11 "Don't-Tell-the-Wife" Secrets All Men Keep
Secret #2: We actually do play golf to get away from you
More than 21 million American men play at least one round of golf a year; of
those, an astounding 75 percent regularly shoot worse than 90 strokes a round.
In other words, they stink. The point is this: "Going golfing" is not
really about golf. It's about you, the house, the kids -- and the absence
"I certainly don't play because I find it relaxing and enjoyable,"
admits Roland Buckingham, 32, of Lewes, Delaware, whose usual golf score of 105
is a far-from-soothing figure. "As a matter of fact, sometimes by the
fourth hole I wish I were back at the house with the kids screaming. But any
time I leave the house and don't invite my wife or kids -- whether it's for
golf or bowling or picking up roadkill -- I'm just getting away."
Secret #3: We're unnerved by the notion of commitment, even after we've made one to you
This is a dicey one, so first things first: We love you to death. We think
you're fantastic. Most of the time we're absolutely thrilled that we've made a
lifelong vow of fidelity to you in front of our families, our friends and an
But most of us didn't spend our formative years thinking, "Gosh, I just
can't wait to settle down with a nice girl so we can grow old together."
Instead we were obsessed with how many women who resembled Britney Spears we
could have sex with before we turned 30. Generally it takes us a few years (or
decades) to fully perish that thought.
Secret #4: Earning money makes us feel important
In more than 7.4 million U.S. marriages, the wife earns more than the
husband -- almost double the number in 1981. This of course is a terrific
development for women in the workplace and warmly embraced by all American men,
Yeah, well, that's what we tell you. But we're shallow, competitive
egomaniacs. You don't think it gets under our skin if our woman's bringing home
more bacon than we are -- and frying it up in a pan?
"My wife and I are both reporters at the same newspaper," says
Jeffrey Newton, 33, of Fayetteville, South Carolina. "Five years into our
marriage I still check her pay stub to see how much more an hour I make than
she does. And because she works harder, she keeps closing the gap."
Secret #5: Though we often protest, we actually enjoy fixing things around the house
I risk being shunned at the local bar if this magazine finds its way there,
because few charades are as beloved by guys as this one. To hear us talk, the
Bataan Death March beats grouting that bathroom shower. And, as 30-year-old Ed
Powers of Chicago admits, it's a shameless lie. "In truth, it's rewarding
to tinker with and fix something that, without us, would remain broken
forever," he says. Plus we get to use tools.
"The reason we don't share this information," Powers adds, "is
that most women don't differentiate between taking out the trash and fixing
that broken hinge; to them, both are tasks we need to get done over the
weekend, preferably during the Bears game. But we want the use-your-hands,
think-about-the-steps-in-the-process, home-repair opportunity, not the
repetitive, no-possibility-of-a-compliment, mind-dulling, purely physical
task." There. Secret's out.