No More Mr. Nyet Guy

By Carl Sherman

Negative self-talk can ruin your day. Well, we think it can, but maybe we're wrong.

True story: Guy walks into a bar, chats up the hottest babe in the joint. He's feeling hip and funny. She's gazing dreamily into his eyes, obviously impressed. When she goes off to the restroom, a buddy walks up to the guy. "Know who that is?" the buddy asks. "She used to date Al Pacino."

Gulp.

Somehow, when Miss Lovely reappears, our man isn't so fast with the repartee. His confidence is gone; the conversation sputters. She's no longer looking into his eyes. In fact, she seems to be looking for an escape route. He's become another wannabe player shot down by negative self-talk.

We all talk to ourselves. It's the way the mind works. And it's terrific when it makes like your own personal Laker Girl. Who doesn't like hearing, Smart move . . . she liked that. Or, when you start a new job, I have great ideas. Positive self-talk bolsters confidence and boosts energy.

But sometimes our inner cheerleader changes sides. Instead of encouragement, you get zingers like Pacino! Man, I'm so average. What'll she think when she sees my ancient car? And my pathetic apartment -- not that we'll get that far.

What's a guy to do? There's no off button for your inner motormouth, and demoralizing thoughts can pop up anytime. But there are ways to keep your head out of trash-talking mode.

Bad thoughts are inevitably triggered by events, however minor. The boss looks your way -- is he frowning? -- and you think, I'm gonna lose my job. Or your dinner date's giggle reminds you of that leggy brunette who laughed so cruelly when you brought a bottle of cheap white zinfandel to her classy dinner party. Doofus! Instantly, you're reliving a moment you'd rather forget.

But that's just the beginning. Electrochemical activity in the brain's frontal cortex, where thoughts are born, jumpstarts the limbic system, a primitive brain region known as the seat of emotion. Specifically, thoughts that suggest something is wrong rev up the amygdala, an almond-shaped parcel of gray matter that functions like a panic button.

From there, circuits light up in the hypothalamus, which links the mind with the body. You start to sweat. Your pulse quickens. Now you're really nervous.

Upstairs, the frontal lobes are generating even more discouraging words. Soon a killer monologue is going on inside your skull, and it's not the kind that knocks 'em dead at the Laugh Factory. It's the voice of doom -- hypercritical and looking for anything to feel terrible about.

The mischief that bad thoughts can do is something athletes know better than anyone. "Negative self-talk hurts your self-confidence; and when confidence goes down, so does performance," says Shane Murphy, Ph.D., the former head of the U.S. Olympic Committee's sports psychology program.