7 Sex Mistakes Men Make
Mistake 4: The "Get It Done" Mind-set
Men tend to think of sex like a mission. They break it down into steps -- erection, foreplay, penetration -- aimed at achieving a main objective: orgasm.
That can be a mistake for a couple of reasons. One is that a whole world of sexual experience exists beyond the genitals. "Our entire body can be utilized as erotic," Donaghue says. "Look at the whole body as a map, and conquer all the territory."
"I know women who can have an orgasm from having their nipples played with," Taormino says. "There are women who love to kiss and make out. All of that is part of sex."
Another reason why it's a mistake to focus solely on orgasm is sometimes it doesn't happen -- even for men. At those times, people can end up feeling bad about sex that may have been good in other ways.
Taormino says some men get upset if they can't give a woman an orgasm. "I hear from women a lot that they're already putting pressure on themselves to have an orgasm, and there's an added layer from their partner," Taormino says. The women may say it's OK -- that they still enjoy sex without orgasm, and don't need to have one every time. "But these guys don't believe them," Taormino says, because they're locked in a goal-oriented mind-set. Their attitude is... Get that orgasm done!"
Donaghue says sex should be thought of as a circular process, like a merry-go-round that you can step on and off whenever you like. "There is no goal," he says. "There's no such thing as ‘not finishing' or failure."
Mistake 5: "I'm All She Needs"
Many women are interested in using, or have used, sex toys.
"Sex toys [represent] a place where men's egos can really get in the way and be bruised way too easily," Taormino says. A man may feel threatened by a woman's use of sex toys if he believes his own body parts should be enough to satisfy her. Taormino says men who reject sex toys "walk away from a really big opportunity to broaden their partner's pleasure."
A vibrator can deliver focused, consistent, intense stimulation that's impossible for a human to provide. Many women need that kind of stimulation to have an orgasm. "That's OK," Taormino says. "It doesn't mean she's broken. It doesn't mean she's strange."
"Bringing toys into sex play, and making toys a couples activity, is really the new paradigm," Britton says. There are also sex toys that can stimulate both partners at the same time. "Embrace it, get used to it, and go along for the ride, literally."
Mistake 6: Ringing the Doorbell
Most guys have a general idea of what the clitoris is and where to find it. But many don't know all there is to it. "The clitoris is not this tiny button on the outside of the body, which is what most people think it is," Taormino says.