Great Sex Unzipped
So How’s Your Sex Life? Here Are 6 Tips for Making It Great
Great Sex Tip
3: Don’t Compare Your Sex Life With Porn
Not everything men know about sex they learned from pornography. But a lot
of it they did. And that can be a problem. Populated as it is by flawlessly
formed women and men with etched abs and equine endowments, adult entertainment
makes many guys wonder: What am I doing wrong? Or, more to the point: What’s
wrong with me?
“One of the most destructive myths of porn is that it convinces so many guys
that they’re too small,” Castleman says. “They forget that pornography is
self-selecting...These are not average men. They’re the extreme end of the
Some of the other fictions that porn perpetuates are the idea that women are
always primed and ready (“in the real world,” Davidson says, “people do say
‘no’”); that the same moves work on every partner; that satisfying sex always
culminates in orgasm.
There are positives to porn -- it can, for example, inspire us to greater
sexual exploration. But when Debbie Did Dallas, she also did damage to the way
men often think about sex.
“I’m not going to stand in the way of your watching porn, as long as you’re
aware that it’s not reality,” Castleman says. “It’s like watching a car chase
in an action movie. It’s exciting. It’s entertaining. But everyone knows it’s
not the way to drive.”
Great Sex Tip 4: Focus on Pleasurable Sensations
While we’re on driving, let’s talk about commutes. And cubicles. And
computers. And the demands and distractions of our daily lives.
Stress is an enemy of great sex. So is anxiety about performance. Minimizing
both helps maximize your enjoyment of your partner. “If we can quiet our
monkey-minds, put a stop to that ceaseless inner-chatter, we can open ourselves
up to better sex,” Britton says.
She recommends that men adopt a mantra: FOPS, or Focus on Pleasurable
“There are techniques ranging from eye-gazing to massage and
synchronized breathing that help keep you in the moment,” Britton says. “Great
sex happens in the present. It doesn’t happen in the future, like worrying
about how quickly you’re going to come.”
Great Sex Tip
5: Focus Less on Size and More on Other
“I’m not going to pretend it doesn’t matter,” Davidson says. “There are
plenty of women for whom it absolutely does. But I prefer to focus on the idea
of the right fit.”
No two people are built the same, and it helps to have compatible body
parts. For some women, men of modest size may be a perfect fit. It’s a matter
of physiology and personal preference. But perfect-fitting penetration isn’t
the only path to satisfying sex. Focus on foreplay. Concentrate on kissing,
cooing, caressing -- the full panoply of sexual pleasure giving.